Try as I may to be cordial, caring, loving, funny... the majority of the people I count as my 'friends' rarely see me as such. So, I try to grasp at the association, I try to show them just how entertaining or caring I can be... but, really, it's fruitless. Humanity never ceases to disgust me with its basis in selfishness. Try as I may to be selfless, to be there for others... when I need friends the most... I always seem to come up short. Is it me? Am I flawed in ways that I'm completely and utterly repulsive?
In the end I can't even begin to get angry at other people... only at myself. I don't know what it is about me that drives those I care about away. I don't know what I can do to change it. All I want in this world is what anybody else would want--to feel loved. But, in the end, I suppose the only person one can really begin to rely on is one's self.
I have no idea where or who I am going to hang out with once school starts. I know that I have Robert--who has proven to me, time and time again, that he's a true friend. I am grateful to have one person like that. This isn't to say that other people in my life haven't also shone--my friend Kim from home has helped me through all of the tears this summer has brought... and Dante, well, he continues to be the greatest man I have ever met, and every hour that goes by only proves to strengthen my love for him.
But, the majority of the people at Southern have seemingly disappeared. Where to, I haven't a clue. I suppose they may pop out of the woodwork on the first days of school...but until then, I'm really not expecting much.