June 29th, 2008


Please excuse my emo rant.

Loneliness spinning through my brain, wracking my body and devouring. At times I feel utterly and completely lost admist a crowd of indidviduals who couldn't care less. Other times, those who I seem to get close to just end up leaving--either in the literal or figurative sense. I don't even know who I should allow myself to get close to, to trust, to cherish.

I can already tell that the reason I'm writing this is because I stupidly forgot to take my medication this morning, but, whatever. I think I just need to let this out. I've been incredibly frustrated and lonely lately--constantly on the verge of tears or just wishing I had someone near me, to take my mind off of some of the less than wonderful circumstances that continue to arise in my life.

I wish I didn't care so much about people--I wish I could just easily accept that people will waltz in and out of my life. But I can't. I go on, loving, caring, trusting in people who may or may not disappear. In the end, my heart always suffers for it. I'm better than I used to be--I can accept, for instance, that some people are just assholes and better left forgotten. But to the others, I still wonder why things happened to separate us. If I've gotten to know someone, if I've cared for someone--I never forget them, never stop wondering if they've forgotten me...

It's probably some strange exercise in self-loathing that I even bother myself with these thoughts. I just want to know who will remember me. In my darkest of moods, I often think I'm completely forgettable--that there's nothing about me that stnads out from the masses. As much as I try to be unique, to be an individual, a visionary, someone special in the end, I'm just another grey indistinct mass of molecules. *sigh* Whatever.

As the subject said, excuse this emo rant. I'll be better as soon as I have some human contact other than my immediate family.
  • Current Mood
    cynical cynical